To Be Honest: Containment

I know it's a little early (I said I would be writing a TBH post every 2 weeks), but I couldn't help this one. 

My heart is heavy, but it is one of those feelings that takes so much energy to even describe. I struggled to find the strength to write this post, but I think that later on I will be glad that I eventually did.
I feel contained. I have felt contained since I began the first grade. One could argue that keeping a child away from the world protects him/her from mistakes, but what good does it do if it leaves the child feeling scared, inexperienced, and resentment?
In my own opinion, I have never felt like I have had a childhood. I do feel like I grew up too fast, and, sadly, now is the time I would love to live my age.
This has left me feeling misunderstood. I wake up and go to school, hanging on for dear life to just finish up what I feel like I have worked so hard for. Only for the last bell of the school day to ring and I dread coming to a house where an honest relationship with a person whom I could pour my heart out to without judgment or chastisement is no where to be found.
Well, actually, I did have a person like that. A few, to be honest. But change happens and people move on. I wish I could call them all the time and just pour out how I feel. Like I said, change happens. Have you ever felt like speaking to someone places a burden on their own shoulders? It makes me feel terrible. As if I should just shut up. So that containment that I have been trying to run away from (and believe me when I say trying) winds up in my life, once again.
The resentment and rebellion began to build up in the seventh grade and, now that I look at it, I have slowly began to withdraw myself. I went from  a pretty social ninth grader, to a three-friend-tenth-grader, to a junior who decided to eat lunch by herself. I just didn't care anymore. And that is what containment has taught me- to not care and be content by myself. I try to tell myself, "Ebe, don't worry. High school is almost over. You'll be out of here soon. It'll be different very soon," but the truth is it won't until I learn how to change. I'm not sure if I know how to live outside of this box because I was never taught how to.
I've experimented. I've tried to rebel against it, to push my way out of the box, but I was only stuffed back in there. My rebellion was misunderstood. It was taken as random acts of disobedience and recklessness without cause. I was made to believe that I was a bad child if I didn't accept what I was told. If I didn't abide by the every rules of my religion and culture, I would be condemned. No question.
The containment, the rules, the culture, they have all made me feel as if I am just to live through the motions. The hardest question for me is and question of depth about myself because I don't know the answer to it. I don't believe I really want to do or be everything that I say I want to do or be right now, but that must remain my answer, at least for now.
I honestly don't know how to escape it. I just reread this post and it sounds like the cheesiest TBH post ever, but it's true. I'm just tired. The constant bickering at home and living in the said "box" everywhere else is exhausting.
This is not all I want to write. I just can't properly put all of my thoughts into words right now without publicly blaming who I feel that I should blame. I think this is a start, though.